What is love?

What Is Love? My Life Hack for Divine Connection. I consciously choose to fall in love on command — with people, songs, sunsets, strangers, objects, even a perfect cup of coffee. For me, love is not something that happens accidentally. It is something I allow.

When I connect deeply with anything, it feels like a direct line to God, Source, or whatever name you prefer for the mystery behind existence. There is a rush, an expansion, a sense of touching something far bigger than myself. When I dropped shame and fear around loving, it became effortless. Ordinary moments started feeling sacred. A song could open my heart. A conversation with a stranger could feel profound. A sunset could leave me in awe. I enjoy the feeling so much that I allow it whenever I can. The more I practice, the easier it becomes.

Years later, when I read the book Stealing Fire by Steven Kotler and Jamie Wheal, I realized I had accidentally stumbled onto something much bigger. The book explores the neurochemistry behind peak flow states — the same states sought by elite athletes, Navy SEALs, artists, entrepreneurs, meditators, and mystics. And I discovered that my love practice was already generating most of the ingredients.

The chemicals I was already riding included:

•⁠ ⁠Dopamine — motivation, anticipation, excitement

•⁠ ⁠Norepinephrine — focus, alertness, intensity

•⁠ ⁠Serotonin — contentment and emotional stability

•⁠ ⁠Oxytocin — bonding, connection, and the feeling of touching something sacred

What was missing were endorphins and anandamide, sometimes called the "bliss molecule." These are associated with states of deep wellbeing, reduced self-consciousness, creativity, timelessness, and effortless performance. I also discovered that intentional engagement with sexual energy — whether expressed alone or shared with another person — could act as a powerful amplifier. The combination appeared to bring many of these neurochemical systems online simultaneously.

When everything lined up, the experience resembled what flow researchers call the S.T.E.R. state:

•⁠ ⁠Selflessness

•⁠ ⁠Timelessness

•⁠ ⁠Effortlessness

•⁠ ⁠Richness

Moments where the sense of "me" softens, time disappears, actions feel effortless, and life becomes intensely vivid. At its best, it feels like touching the divine on demand.

But there is a shadow side.

This approach works most powerfully at the beginning of connection. Meeting someone new and consciously allowing myself to love deeply can be extraordinary. The challenge is that attachment often follows chemistry. When I reveal my feelings and those feelings are not returned, the withdrawal can be intense. The same neurochemicals that create ecstasy can also create longing, disappointment, and heartbreak.

Over time I found a different approach. Rather than placing all my emotional investment into a single person, I allow love to flow more broadly. I can love several people at once, while being completely transparent about what that means.

I tell people early:

"Just because I love you does not mean I want to own you. It does not mean I expect exclusivity. The possessive, jealous, all-or-nothing version of love that our culture often promotes does not feel like real love to me. I experience love as expansive, non-attached, and something that should increase freedom rather than reduce it."

Some people immediately understand. Others do not. For me, this way of living transforms love from something scarce into something abundant. Love stops being a resource that can be lost. It becomes a state that can be entered. A well that never runs dry.

So what is love? To me, love is the most beautiful, irrational, transformative, dangerous, and worthwhile experience available to a human being. You do not have to experience it through possession. You do not have to experience it through fear. You can stay honest. You can stay open. You can fall. And sometimes, if you are lucky, you can flow.